Amok amok amok!

Been a while. I have been trying to maintain the high ground and I find that my blog site catches my ugly moods, my snide and angry moods. And today I have a dozy of a snit going.

Last week I did a presentation for a Meetups group. Or tried to. Because I am an ascensionist, I am kind of exotic in the group (spiritual sensitives and psychics). I am also seen as enlightened, which may or may not be true. The jury is still out on that one. It is generally agreed that I have the most fantastic energy field to look at, complex and beautiful. I have to take their word for that, as that is not the nature of my gifts. I can feel it but not see it. And it does feel pretty cool!

So I had a meeting the week before to cover what the hostess wanted. Two weeks later, I am still not sure what it was she wanted. Just “not scary” in topic. Well, my scary is not necessarily “your” scary. I find sociopaths terrifying. But stepping between realities? Transmutation? Cool, let’s go! Shifting world realities? Oh baby! But not so for everyone, it would seem. You would think a bunch of spiritual sensitives would understand that Spirit is incredibly complex in its manifestations. My bad. Also, it seems the nature of the act of ascension was considered scary too….so why was I there if not to talk about the nature of ascension?

Well, it seems to have started well, though I don’t remember much, other than the interruptions by the hostess. Every two to three minutes, sometimes not even that long. Disruptions in the flow of energy and my higher self trying to share. I am actually embodying my higher truth a lot of the time, as an ascensionist should. I don’t channel other people, I “channel” my higher self. Which of course is enlightened.

It seems that any or all real topics of ascension were not actually allowed. My mistake. And she thought we had an agreement on topics, that she could trust me to do what she wanted…sorry, say what she…fuck, that she could control me for the 45 minute presentation I sincerely and lovingly tried to do.

I admit, when I realized I didn’t really know what she wanted, I should have backed out and made some excuse. I knew that I might have a problem a few days before I was scheduled. I trusted that the flow of Spirit through me would smooth over her disappointment. I had prayed about this and was guided to be “hollow bone” and let my truth flow…well, as a learning experience it has been intense.

Something I did know, because she had promoted my presentation, more than the Meetups software normally does, is that the only people who would be there were the ones who wanted to hear what I had to say…on ANYTHING! They were game. I guess what they wanted didn’t count….back to the meetup…

But those interruptions! She thought that my topics, what ever they were, were causing stress in the room. But because she never let me finish a single thought out loud, the flow of information and energy never revealed any enlightenment. She created fear by her very behavior. I didn’t get to provide enough info for that to happen. Confusion, yeah, I caused confusion. I admit that. But fear?

And to be honest, I am not sure I could have eased the confusion if I had had the full support of the group and hostess. I am processing some complex truths about reality shifts, which few talk about and even fewer understand. Part of my calling is to “grok” these understandings in a way that I can share. So, I am ALWAYS processing info. And that does tend to come out of my mouth at awkward moments. And in odd bits and pieces that can distract and misdirect. I’m working on it….

So, I did the presentation (or tried) and walked out the door confused. It wasn’t until another attendee vented about the evening, that I realized how bad that it had actually gone. And the post on the comments page the next day! Insane! I only read a couple and posted a well thought out comment that in no way assigned blame or fault. And then I backed out and didn’t read any other comments. Of which there have been nearly a hundred. All about that night. The tiny glimpses I have seen, again, I have not followed the thread, as I don’t need that shit in my life, all seem to be loving and supportive. Of both me and the hostess.

However, today, I posted an extra meetup for MY group. On her group. In the comments for “that night.” I felt the need to vent..I mean talk, and thought that it might help to supply a place where those truly interested could come visit with me. And we could talk without censorship.

Since I came out of my cave, she felt it was now appropriate to chew me out….well, she didn’t actually chew me out. But she voiced her disappointment in my failure to abide with her wishes. That I broke her trust, that I failed in several major ways. Nowhere did she take ANY responsibility for confusing people or insulting me or dis-empowering or upsetting the group. That was totally on her.

So I wrote an email back. And then another one. And another. But remember that high road? The one I try to stay on? It is not my desire or intent to hurt anyone, to frighten, or confuse. Though I don’t always have control over that last element. So, I have not replied to her email. Not yet. I wrote several, one of which is included here…remember that snit, right next to the high road? Well, this is my purging process.

Part of the very reason this “enlightened” person has a blog site in the first place. It is a relatively safe place to share and I have done nor written anything I am embarrassed about. I just don’t feel it is in anyone’s greater good to tell them off to their face. I don’t expect my blog to reach many people, I might provide a chuckle or a bit of insight for all 3 of my readers.

My intent is to harm none. Thank you for you patience……

“Email, maybe”: Here’s the deal (nameless hostess), the only person that ever needed to know that the presentation was not the way you wanted it, was you. If you hadn’t felt it was necessary every single moment to interrupt me, the others might never know that the presentation was not to your liking. But due to your behavior, everyone now knows what kind of egotistical control freak you appear to be. That is the general impression they now have of you, whether it is true or not will be your mess to clean up. Good luck there.

You and I have never been on the same page. I am sorry you felt your trust me was misplaced, and that I let you down. You embarrassed me and proved to the others that you don’t play well with others unless things are to your exacting standards. No grace and patience there. I would not ever go to you for counseling, if I had ever heard about this event first.

But that is not one of the lessons you picked up on. No, but it is ok for you to embarrass and dis-empower others for your own sense of self and power. It could have been a truly enlightening night if you had just bit your tongue and then cleared my “objectionable” energy from the space afterward.

But no. How do you handle the low dense energy of the crazy and suicidal people who walk in your door? If my energy/information (one in the same!!!) was so objectionable to you? That you had to “wrestle” control from me. Not that you ever gave me much to begin with. Not that I tried to take it away. I don’t need your power. Never did, never will. That was a battle you fought entirely by your self. But if I had…

But I respected your need to control the room. It is truly a shame that you could not trust Spirit enough to allow It to work through me for the groups greater good. Which, by the way, is all I can do for others. Oh well, your limitations, not mine. Great way to help people. Obviously we are not on the same FUCKING PAGE AT ALL! I believe in empowering people, through energy, education and information. Over protecting people creates fucking sheeple.

And about communication. You might try talking TO people instead of at them. Which is pretty much what you did with me. I let you have your experience and I admit I should have canceled. I walked out thinking I understood what you wanted but I realized that you never said what you wanted. I guess you were talking to someone else in the room because I wasn’t me. (She’s a medium).

I understand that you are trying to create a space that is loving and nurturing but you don’t do that by suppressing other peoples experience. I felt rejected and confused and I am still so angry I will probably never talk to you again. Your disrespect was arrogant and totally stupid AND unnecessary. Again, a little grace and style? But no, you came across as a nit picking control freak.

For future reference, any difficulty you have with this group is on you. The problems in the group are totally of your own making. Any resulting confusion from that night are not about anything I said or did but by your insistence on being disruptive to the flow of information and energy. In constantly demanding tight control. Your lack of trust in Spirit is mind boggling!

In your rigid need to control, you create battles that don’t even need to be fought by yourself or anyone else. I was never trying to control anything. I only intended to share Spirit. Another future reference: Spirit doesn’t want to be controlled. There is an important lesson there for you. I hope you awaken to that before it blows up in your face. That is one of the hard lessons. I suspect you will have difficulty with it.

But I don’t care. You have pretty effectively told me to fuck off. That you don’t respect me or truly want to understand what I am really about is very evident. I don’t like or need ego drama games. Especially spiritual ego games. Which is another aspect of what you are doing. Only allowing the expression of your gifts in a group…I thought the group was intended as a supportive place for everyone…is an aspect of spiritual egotism.

I wish you well. I suppose. Though honestly, I don’t care. I don’t wish you harm but I don’t care either way.

Personally, I am just fucking tired of small minded cowards suppressing my voice. Too many life times. Way too many. But not you problem or concern. That is my reality to change. And saying good bye is how I begin.
L

There are lessons in this experience. The day after, when I saw the crazy happening on the comments page for the group, I asked my guides what the deal was? I was still so confused. I didn’t want to call that particular spade a spade, but I was beginning to see that I might have to, just to keep from beating myself up.

So I asked what lesson I was to learn from the experience. It was a cold snowy morning. And I was enjoying the early morning quiet, watching the birds flit around in the gentle flakes of white. Drinking my coffee, my mind quiet and receptive for an answer.

After about 15 minutes, it seems, the answer “self respect” came through. It is true I have a hard time with this one. I have experienced a lot of social abuse. At least 2 violent attacks, as a kid! And more demon attacks, with cars, than I care to think about. But I am protected. I am ok, this time around.

But I remember and am still somewhat influenced by past life experiences. The down side of remembering them! I have processed and cleared and healed. I have Ho’oponopono-ed till I am blue in the face. And for the most part it is all neutralized. And my rewards and accolades from Spirit have been many.

But in the past, and so it seems to continue now, I have been suppressed. Sometimes violently. So this is an especial bug-a-boo for me. And ironically, the way I am to handle it is to allow it. No shoving matches or out shouting people. If they don’t want to hear, then I am not to force it. Even though I have energy tools that give me an unfair advantage. Hehehehehe!

But no abuses! So I shift my own perceptions of this type of experience. I heal my psychology and let things go. I am God, and other peoples experience of me is none of my concern. I give what I Am to give. As much as they will let me. And I respect myself enough to not go where I am not wanted, in a false belief that I have to share what I have, everywhere. I don’t. It is not my job to “save” the world. Just shed a little light when it is needed.

I just wish, that when I am invited to shed some light, I am allowed to plug in the lamp!
Namaste!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tammy Jensen
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 10:31:16

    yeah I’m kinda hoping you didn’t send that because I really think Kerry iss just trying to protect those that are extremely sensitive one of the girls explained to me that it literally scares the hell out of them..I never understood that kind of fear but it doesn’t mean it’s not real and Kerry really wants to create a place where people can feel safe and understood ….I truly think that is the only reason why she cut you off. Granted some of the people just should not have been there so we could hear what you had to say…but really that’s about it so chill mama

    Reply

    • lclambert
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 13:05:19

      I do appreciate that she is being protective. I really do. About that article, do you think I should pull it? I have been thinking about cleaning up the site a bit. A lot of my stuff is just ramblings in response to other things I have been seeing and hearing on line. Some few personal inspirations. Not as many as I would like. But this was written while I was in the deep end of my snit and I needed the outlet. I have a history of biting my tongue, usually out of self defense. And so I can feel very frustrated when I feel wronged or that my opinion is not getting heard. So I write. And part of the purpose of this site is to vent. I do realize that I will have to eventually separate my venting from the energy site. Probably sooner than later. It has been there just to provide a place for what ever I needed. But I should shift to a more professional demeanor…nah….

      Reply

  2. emasvoice
    Dec 01, 2014 @ 19:38:20

    So sorry this situation happened. I know by now you have moved on but let me say this is your blog and you can vent or do whatever you like. It is a good place to show the true journey of being ascended. Ascension does not mean we are immune to bumps in the road and emotions – yes we can be hurt, it is good to know that tough times can touch us, yet as ascended beings we can work through shit and still be safe and open to spirit.

    Reply

    • lclambert
      Dec 01, 2014 @ 22:43:07

      It was a very necessary learning experience for both of us. Divinely required. She was wandering and needed to clarify and tighten it down, and I needed to clarify and learn to respect my own limits as well as others. So an important lesson/experience for both of us.
      It allowed me to examine some deeply held belief structures that I was holding on to that were not supporting my calling or my greater good. It has been difficult to clear but very necessary. And the belief structures were building aspects of my reality I did not want. So bye bye!

      Reply

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