Surrender

One of the most difficult things to do, at least for me, is to surrender to my higher truth. I am stuck in my ego/fear trap and letting go seems (sometimes) just about impossible.

Over the last couple of years, ever since I started this journey in a knowing kind of way, I have been letting go of many things. Mostly fear of doing this or allowing myself permission to do that. It hasn’t always been easy. I have been beaten down so far and so deep, that getting out has seemed impossible. Now, it isn’t because anyone else has done this to me. Far from it. Not even sure where this comes from….I might be a bit more empathetic than I should be. In which case, the world is seriously screwed up. Because if I am picking this all up empathetically, then there are tons of people out there who feel like shit, worthless and undeserving. I suspect that this is true. And that being the case, I am doing this for them.

Finding worth in a society that has a very limited ideals of what worth is is a very difficult place to be. Because we generally don’t fit the paradigm in more than one or two ways. To fit the ideal is a full time job and I would think exhausting. The guilt of not fitting the ideal is exhausting. The emotional turmoil is exhausting. Now I am exhausted!

The thing is, we are perfect as we are. It may not always come out, or others may find it threatening that we feel our worth to such a degree. But it is true none the less. We are perfect manifestations of All That Is.

But there comes a time when we have to start becoming our TRUTH, and that truth is a bit more tricky. It is a leap of faith….

And this is where surrendering come in. To be our truth, we have to allow that our truth is what we think or feel it is.

Here is an example. I KNOW I am an ascended master. I just know. I knew intellectually as early as September of 2009. I had an awakening, and part of the information that I received was that I was an ascended master. Plain as day. There it was.

But to surrender to that information was a lot more difficult. You see, there are billions of AMs (ascended masters) on the planet right now! Seriously, it was a requirement to incarnate here since the mid 1940’s. So there are lots of masters about. But how many KNOW that? Maybe three…..well, a few more, but not many. The number of those who KNOW that they are an ascended master are less than 100,000. And we are going through a planetary ascension process! You would think that there would be more out there. Not so much. But there are more everyday. So it is ok.

The thing is, I knew I was an AM in 2009 but did not fully surrender till September of 2012. And I fought and kicked…or more accurately, my ego fought and kicked, the entire way. But it is done. Now for the physical part to take effect. And the reason why, is the underlying belief that I was just not worthy of the title or status or what ever you want to call it. I did not feel holy enough, I did not feel gifted enough. I did not feel intelligent or enlightened enough.  Just plain poor self esteem. And that is endemic on this planet.

But how to heal that? Well, love is part of it, to be sure. Loving each other with out question or expectation or any reason at all will go a long way to helping others. But we are beings of energy and energy can form patterns, especially when it is of beliefs that don’t support our truth. Did you know that? Your beliefs in “lack” or “less than” or “not good enough” create density which blocks us from our truth as God. Because we don’t believe we are God, we are dense and thus physical. Once we start to reverse the pattern, we enlighten up! Our vibration rises ( a good thing) and that density starts to drop away. And then we can realize our truth as God.

One of the things I have noticed in my rise to the top is that the universe functions in some pretty basic ways. I have seen that EVERYTHING is manifestation. You know, Law Of Attraction. You get an idea, you release all blocks, beliefs or feelings that deny the validity or value of the idea, you get excited or enthused about the idea, raising some emotional energy for the idea, and then you take a step in faith that it will happen. Often this is what some call an inspired step. Any idea or inspiration that pops up that would be the logical next step if it was already a done deal.  Just go do it! I’ve heard “Fake it till you make it.” Works for me….sometimes, anyway!

But surrendering is a tough game. Our truth or experience can be very difficult.

As a lightwworker, I have been hearing a lot of  young lightworkers going through the dark night phase of their awakening. This is where we face our own darkness and demons, which we all have. Frequently, past life stuff that we have done will surface to be dealt with, too. And much of this effects us physically, which can be scary for anyone who has previously had excellent health. And yet all these young lightworkers, who have been good as gold all their lives have no idea how to deal with it. No reason they should. But I keep seeing these other, only slightly more advanced lightworkers and what nots’ going “surrender to it” with out really explaining, or maybe even understanding what that means. It doesn’t mean just let the energy overwhelm you, it must also mean to accept that what you are experiencing is part of your growth and that it reflects some thing that you need to grow and develop to a higher degree. But they sit in judgement and horror by what they are feeling and experiencing. And a big part of surrendering means to stop judging everything as good or bad and just allow it to be. But they are stuck in the ego trap of judgement.

During the course of writing this…well, finishing this, it actually was started last winter, I cleared on some pretty scary truths lurking in my awareness. Not evil horrid past life stuff, that was the easy stuff to clear! Seriously, I had no real illusions about being human. We are capable of such wonderful and ugly things. I accepted a long time ago that I was probably a massive jerk in previous lives. How massive, well that was a surprise but not totally unexpected.

No, other aspects of my truth have proven to be more difficult. Understandings I have had for a long time about the nature of Spirit have gone through some rewrites. My roles in the awakening of this planet have been difficult to embrace. I recognize my truth on the one hand but deny it with the other. And blocks of energy have developed, partly in self protection, so it isn’t all bad, but it is becoming untimely. And needs to be released. And I am thankful for this opportunity to awaken to my truth to a greater degree. I have surrender to my truth.

It is what it is, and so it is.

(And that is the attitude formula of surrendering.)

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