Lilith And Ego Games

I love my journey. I have had some very exciting and unbelievable experiences. I have met some extraordinary people from the higher realms and have gotten a view of what they are like and what is important to them. Even experienced, at my own expense, their loving and wicked sense of humor. To say that the higher realms are about play, is to put it mildly, and to misrepresent what is going on “up” there. Yes they play, life should be play, and that is how it is there, in the higher realms. The fears of survival that we routinely deal with are non-existent there. Everyone has what they need, to do what they need to do, at all times. So the living is fairly free and easy, and quite a bit of an adventure. Everyone has a “job”, so to speak but it really is play. If they don’t feel called to it, they don’t do it. They follow their bliss in all things. This is the supposition from my first hand contact with higher beings and the realm in which they live.
But in this realm, I am finding that my experiences don’t mean anything, unless they have hard fact to back them up. Like something that someone else wrote. Useless unless it matches what someone else experienced. I have an example, this will be the bulk of my share, this being. She is highly controversial, because she made it to the earth plane a long time ago, and so many people have opinions on who and what she is.
In the summer of 2010, I met Lilith. At first I didn’t have a clue who she was, she was just this really exciting woman doing silly things to grab my attention. Well, it worked. I really couldn’t help it, she invaded my quiet space, as I was falling asleep. But I want you to understand, I WAS NOT ASLEEP! I have mystical experiences all the time, probably would have more if I would be better disciplined with my meditations. Irregardless,  I am very good at going quiet to experience a mystical event.
So, anyway, I am lying there, trying to fall asleep, and I see this woman standing in such a weird place, the doors at Walmart (this is a dream filter element), the one closest to my house. So she is standing in the door ways and she looks back at me with her intense blue eyes, then she goes running off, pushing an empty shopping cart! Heading out into the parking lot. This in and of its self wouldn’t be that unusual except she was kind of dressed up! She had this long black skirt on, kind of full. A tight midnight blue stretchy T-shirt kind of top with a scoop neck line on. High heals, nice makeup and her hair was gorgeous, full and big bouncy black curls, very glamorous. And she went running through the parking lot, pushing her cart and then stepping up on the back bar and riding along! Like a kid! It was very incongruous. And I was transfixed! She was so beautiful and playful. Kind of. She wasn’t silly even though she was doing something essentially silly. She was trying to get my attention and she had gotten it. She was very intense.
So, I watch this and am amazed and I wonder who she is? I ask, who is she? And I hear “Lilith”. And she is immediately right in front of me, crowding my space. Just inches apart, very nose to nose, kind of thing. The dream filter setting of Walmart is gone, we are in a black space. There is nothing, just the two of us. And then she looked down, into my solar plexus and reaches in to pull out this big ugly chunk of black rock and throws it away. And she disappears.
That was my first encounter with her.
Several months later, I am included in a higher dimensional energy transfer to Gaia. I am an energy channel, and the energy I channel is designed to awaken….anything or one. (Or I am designed to filter energy to awaken.) Since everything is energy, it simply raise the vibration of what ever it is directed at. Then the layers of density can fall away easier. Makes clearing really easy, if done right.
So, I am included and I am brought to the higher realms, not sure where, just a dark space, and I am to act as the conduit for this energy. There is a host of ascended masters circling me, a few archangels, too. And beings that are just energy people, called to participate. So, they all direct their energy towards me, I take it in, just kind of absorb it, can’t remember if it was through my crown chakra or heart or what, but I took in the energy and then channeled it down into Gaia, for her healing and awakening. I have done this several times, and I doubt I am the only one. But circling the assembly, is Lilith, and she is just walking around the gathering, observing. Not participating.
I have seen her several more times, usually at a distance, and the feel I always got is that it is her job to escort us outward on our journey. Away from Source. And that does leave a lot of room for interpretation as to her motives.
The thing is, I do not judge, I do not pass a moral judgement, if I can help it. Yes, it is her job to “lead us astray” but to be honest, we don’t have to go with her if we don’t want to. There is no force being applied, ever. EVER! And in the higher realms, there is no “good” or “bad”. Just towards our truth and away from our truth. What ever that is. It is all just a journey and it is all perfect and as the universe wants it. There is no right or wrong. And it is her job to “walk” with us as we go out and away. And I suspect that when the time comes where the very last of us begin our return journey, she will still be there, walking along, keeping us company and making her own return journey.
And I know this deeply, we all find our way home. But that knowing is another story.
But here is my quandary, As far as some people are concerned, this is all just “opinion.” If I had said I had gone to the Bahamas and observed that the drinks were cheap and the people were nice, that is experience and treated as such, but my experiences in the higher realms are considered as opinions. Because they don’t support other peoples opinions. Thousands of years of opinion.
Now, I didn’t start this as a bitch and moan article, mostly just a venting of something I am having personal problems with. And I like to understand my problems because I am just that kind of person. So I have been giving this a lot of thought and have received a lot of insight into this problem. And it mostly revolves around ego and it’s games. In a minute.
A couple weeks a go, I taught a class on awakening to mastery. It was very much a “get my feet wet” kind of class. Necessary to get me out there and see how it feels and where the problems were. More a practice for me than anything else. At one point during this class, I had mentioned that I had met Lilith. Don’t remember why. And this other person went off on me on how Lilith is Chaos and it is her job to “fuck us up”. Supposedly, my experiences did not support this persons experiences. Like I said, I don’t judge, judgement is the path of ego, and it is one I am good at catching before it goes very far. Who am I to judge others? Seriously! Who am I? Besides my experiences have been to see that all beings belong to Source and there is no difference and that we are all valued and loved equally. Number one lesson from Jesus, (personal experience, not opinion) we are all beings of light having adventures. And we are all perfect and Source does NOT judge us as good or bad.
Back to class. The thing about judging or not judging is I don’t use duality language any more so I am kind of sensitive when others try to impose their duality on me. I watch for it, just a bit, and I try to ignore it. I feel I am beyond duality. Not above, it does not mean I am better, it just isn’t part of my process anymore. I have learned past it. No judgement. So this person is going just a bit ape shit on me in my class and I let her. I actually felt sorry for her that she had to experience Lilith that way. And I also knew that her experience was not my experience. And that Lilith was just fulfilling a need. Being of service. This is not done out of hate or evil, just a gift of love. Seriously! We are so loved that we are allowed to explore the universe any ol’ way we want! And we get help, too! It does not mean we are not challenged, we so are! But we can also say no to the challenges, if we can recognize them in time! Even then, I have gone back, revisited the challenge or attacks and healed it (watch out for the stick aliens, they are bad news…my experience!)
Here is a hint as to what the higher realms are like. We experience things according to our own needs. I did not need Lilith to be Chaos for me, in fact she removed her “corruption” from me, she healed me (although I was later told that I didn’t actually need the healing, energetically, just psychologically). The whole experience showed me that all the beings that are here to help us will do what we need them to do to help us reach our goals. Fulfill our educations. What ever those goals and educations are. They are happy when we choose to “grow up” towards the light but they respect our choices to dig into the darkness a little bit deeper, too. And they will do what ever it is that we need from them. They can play both sides of the fence. Lead us to the light or guide us into the depths of hell. Our choice.
But part of the reason I started this blog is the whole opinion vs. experience problem I am having. I have been told that my opinions are wrong. What opinions? I have experiences and the knowings that come from them. It is true that my experiences may not support others experiences, that does not mean anyone is wrong, it just means that my needs are different than yours. I hate to get into examples here but I feel that it is necessary. Again, I am still talking about Lilith. I feel affinity with her. It is a brave journey she is on. And I apologize in advanced to the people that may feel sensitive to this.
So, the problem I am having is I will share an experience I have had, and the knowing I have intuit from the event or encounter. And I will get corrected as being wrong or trying to deny someone else’s experience. The only contradicting I may do is to remove the element of duality from the discussion. Tone down the judgement. I am very uncomfortable there. It is possible that I am not as healed of my own childhood victimization as I would like to think. It does take time and practice to release everything and move past it. And I have the tools “in house” so to speak! I have a very definite advantage. So I don’t like judgement in any form. My first big word was “hypocrite” I knew what it meant and how to use it and I saw it everywhere. Humans make an art out of being hypocrites! We judge everything as good or bad, especially the people who disagree with us! We are so smart and wise! Of course our opinion is perfect and the one every sensible person should have. I encounter this a lot. There are a lot of “healthy” egos out there. And it is one of my challenges…mostly to release the need for this challenge! To allow others to have their experience. Their opinions. It really is all good. Occasionally frustrating but still mostly good…to use a duality expression.
But it does raise perspectives that I have difficulty with… Why do we even care what others think about any given topic? And the conclusion I have come to is we are conditioned to care what others think of us and to compete for the “best” opinions of others. We are seeking validation from outside of our selves. We are raised with different parameters, some with how caring or how good we are academically or athletics or just about anything. And we become associated with our egos, as a form of survival. Like if we are not the best at what ever it is we do, we lose….what? what do we lose?
I know competition is deeply ingrained into us. It was how we survived so many thousands of years. And even now it is important in some ways. But really? Is it that important? Will we die if we aren’t the best? Does it wound us to be perceived as less than the others? No. The only wound is too our egos. And we only die from that if we take it too seriously and kill our selves.
I don’t know if this blog served it’s purpose. I am hoping so. I just don’t have the time anymore to play ego games. And that is all they are. One person yelling that they are better than others. Look at how great I am! Get a street corner. Better yet. Find your self, the you that is not based on the ego games that you engage in. We are perfect, each and every one of us. It is ok to let others be them selves, to be right, to have experiences that don’t mesh with yours. It has nothing to do with you. Stop trying to impose your view of what is right or good on others. Stop trying to shore your self up at others expense. I feel this one keenly. Others promote themselves as better and then I feel the pain of the implied insult. I am not sure why this is, I am assuming it serves a purpose but really, every “I’m better” comment on any topic is an insult to someone out there, who is sensitive to it. Opinion bullying. Intolerance. Bigotry. Hypocrisy. We are all the same, value wise. We just are expressing it differently, uniquely. Get over it.
Now for me to go “get over it”, the truth that there will be others who avidly disagree with me. That ego is a good thing. Like ego is pride. Pride is ok, I like pride, I need more pride. But ego, stop waving that flag like it is how to save the world. It is what has gotten us into this mess. And one groups ego, is no different than any other groups ego. It is all the same. All ego.

Written 4-12-12…I am so past this stage!


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