Wha??? You must be joking!

I was guided to learn reiki. I had been searching for years!!! Literally decades. Trying to find where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to do.  The feel that I had a calling was overwhelming at times. Brought me to tears on so many occasions. But I always judged my options harshly. I had looked at so many things and always found something wrong with them. And most of that was because I wasn’t in love with the ideas I found. I took aptitude test and interest inventories and personality profiles, any and all I found. At first I was too busy raising my family but later, and as the internet became more available, it was so easy to just go do what ever test I found.

And I did find reiki fairly early on. Maybe as early as 2002 or 03. And at that time, I found it wanting. A lot! I could not get over the idea of reiki as a poor second to …well, I kept seeing Jesus laying His hands on someone and them being instantly and permanently healed. Him saying we could do this too.

But the information I needed came in some time in spring of 2008. I read something some where that said that we all have a reason for being here, a purpose. And part of our challenge was to allow the universe to show us, through situations and insights and coincidences. And by allowing, we had to get out of our own ways. Well, I am totally able to read the writing on the wall! I knew that I was in my own way, blocking the universe at every turn.

So, after months of trying to release this issue, the blocking of self from self, I decided to let the universe show me the  way home, to me. I set my intent and promised to follow where ever I was guided. It may not seem like much, but I literally promised to go where the guides directed me. It required more of me than I had ever allowed before. To truly be quiet and listen, when I really didn’t want to hear. To trust, with out question, the coincidences that came my way. It was very difficult to allow this process. Still is. But I made that choice and followed it to the letter, but not without some grumbling.

I familiar with working with my guides, I had been working with them, off and on, all my life. I knew that when I was lonely and lost, they would comforted me and showed me my next step or two. They would lead me to books and articles to read. Stores to visit. They helped me stay firmly in spirit when I jumped into religion. Each and every time (I like religion!) They wanted me to know that there is so much more going on than anyone understood. And to not swallow anything whole. Look at it, feel it, see the truth and the lies of everything I encountered. And there is truth and lies swirling around everything. For very complicated reason. Not just because of the people that get a hold of a truth but because the truth is deeply created with truth and lie. And our adventure really is to decide for our selves which truths and lies to believe in.

I set my intent in the summer of ’08 to follow my guides and say yes to everything that came my way. If it looked interesting, I went and took the class or walked in the door or whatever was appropriate. It was NOT easy. I had gotten into the habit, over many years, of just saying no. To life, to love, to everything remotely fun or interesting.

Now, from my current perspective, I see that that was exactly right. I was where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing. If I didn’t have much fun, well, I can make up for it later. I am making up for it. I am having the time of my life now! Not so much in the large, get out and play kind of fun but the inner journey is simply blowing my mind! I love it! And that really does bring us back to the reiki.

That summer, my guides took me up on my commitment. I was shown several types of energy work in a fairly short mount of time, had a couple healings, took a couple informative classes, and looked at and weighed the pros and cons of everything I came across.

The first energy healing session I had was with a gifted spiritual intuitive, Shawn Avery (highway30.net). I had met him at a street fair. And recognized him as someone very interesting indeed! As we were talking, the first thing he did was to “hold the space.” I saw him do this and knew what he was doing. Yet, it was not something I had ever come across before, in books or experience. Yet there he was doing that and me recognizing that he is doing it. I hadn’t realized the significance of that until this moment, but there it is. The right connection was made. Another clue that I was on my path, no doubts at all. Not that it matters now, my spirit knew at the time and that got me where I needed to be. So I went to have a rather drawn out healing with him and we tore down some very tall walls that allowed just a bit of light in but not much more. Besides, I was way too comfortable in those walls, and I needed to come out. So, down they came.

The second major step was actually checking out reiki. I drove past a little alternate health shop everyday but had never gone in. I had wanted to but never found the ….whatever I needed to actually go in. Courage? Gumption? Determination? Probably all of those together. But early one morning, must have been late September of ’08, the reader board at the shop announced “WALK-IN REIKI WEDNESDAY!” Like I had previously mentioned, I can read the writing on the walls, or reader boards, and sarcastically told my guides I would walk-in on Wednesday. And I did.

The first person I met was co-owner of the shop and I shyly admitted to reading the board on Sunday, seeing the sign. And her eyes got big and she looked kind of confused. Very much a “what sign? What did it say? I don’t remember that,” kind of look. And I heard the shoe drop. Some how my guides had twisted my little mind into seeing what they wanted me to see. I only saw the sign once! And just never managed to again, even though I had driven past the shop multiple times that Sunday (I drive for a living and that road is our primary route).  So, I changed my story. “I was guided here.” and she went to work. That she could relate to.

It just so happens that the reiki teacher, Jacqueline Kennedy (reikienergyhealingcenter.com) was doing a rehash of a weekend retreat with her masters class. And it was arranged for me to get a healing immediately, by several of these masters simultaneously. For free! I was whisked away to a heated table, covered with warm toasty blankets and proceeded to get very hot and received my first reiki healing.

I knew what was going on, I had read a bit about reiki to get a feel for what it was about. So I kind of understood what was  happening. They were actually doing Karuna Reiki, a reiki hybrid, so there were some differences but not many that I would have been aware of. But I recognized the chakra clearing and removal of blocks. But mostly I was warm and allowing it to be whatever it needed to be.

But about 40 minutes in, something really weird and very cool happened. I had a vision! I saw my heart chakra open wide! It looked like a rose pink sun flower, swirling gently in a clock wise  direction. And I saw it blossom! I felt it blossom! I don’t know if that was the intention or not, but the effect was very profound for me. It showed me that maybe I should look at reiki a bit closer.

After the healing, and her class members had taken off, we talked a bit and I shared what I had experienced. I told her a bit about my journey and she mentioned that she had a class coming up for Usui reiki. I told her I would think about it and left. I was back on Monday to sign up. I had been kind of concerned that my husband, who can be kind of closed minded and thrifty, would not want me to take the class because of cost. It wasn’t necessarily high but I still was not comfortable spending what worked out to be his money on myself. And it wasn’t that he denied me things I wanted or needed but I was not very out spoken and lacked the self esteem that I needed to follow my dreams. And that was totally on me, I just was that shy and insecure.

I had a few day till the class and spent my time reading up on the topic. And walked into the class with expectations. Because of this, I had a less than exciting time of it. I became grumpier as the day and class wore on. I discovered after the attunement that I hated standing over a reiki table. I was back to thinking of this as a slightly expensive flopped experiment. What energy? I don’t feel anything.

I went home, knowing when that next class was and having three weeks to think about what I had experienced and to get over my disappointment. I truly did not think anything had happened. I thought it was a fraud. I shaluffed it off as an educational experience and went to bed.

And was sick as a dog the next day! I was into serious detoxing! I had gone through this after the healing with Shawn, and knew that was a side effect of energy healing. It stirs things up, raises it to the surface to help it release. To let it go. To heal it. Well, this caught my attention pretty thoroughly. Made me reassess what I thought I had known and to release the beliefs I had formed. Could I have been wrong? Was there something more to this? Maybe I needed to open my mind just a bit more to the possibilities.

So I did. Over the next three weeks, I watched and practiced with the reiki, and I became aware of the energy in my hands. I felt the energy moving through my body. Now to decide if I was going to take the next class. It really did come down to the wire. I wasn’t decided the night before. But by morning I was up and ready to go and knew it was the place for me to be. I walked in without expectations. I only knew one thing about the class, that we would look at the symbols that make up the reiki and play with them a bit. And do a healing after the attunements. No expectations of mystical experiences, as I had in the first class. Just open and curious to what the class would bring.

And this was the best place to be. I had a fantastic time! I saw past life events, my deaths to be more precise. From my last four lives. And I knew so much about those lives too. The type of person I was, what I did, what my problems were and what my families were like. But mostly I knew how I had died and why. And there were very definite whys here. My deaths were to clear my previous karma. But there is always such a complicated balancing act that goes with karma. I may be dying because of things I had done previously but the karma creates more situations to be resolved. Paths are created with previous resolutions. And they must be followed to be resolved. Like balancing on a teeter-totter. Back and forth, all the time, until it is evened out, then to maintain balance. And to make it more complicated, I didn’t just die, I was murdered in three of my four previous lives. So the other person needs healing here too! Complicated balancing act!

But the past life stuff wasn’t the most curious thing to occur. During my attunement, I received a new symbol. I didn’t want to deal with it though. I was so thoroughly into my attunement that I didn’t want the distraction! But it wouldn’t be denied! Dancing around in the dark behind my eyes, teasing me, trying to get my attention. I literally told this silly little sign that I would look at it later, but to let me finish my attunement please! And I felt comfortable ignoring it for the rest of the attunement.

However, I had acknowledged it and things changed. The soft gentle energy that is Usui Reiki became this buzz saw energy that had me shocking people for months after this! It was heavy and intense and very painful on occasion. I thought it was going to ruin my marriage. My kids didn’t like me to touch them. It just changed everything and I feared that it wouldn’t be in a good way. And there was really no one to talk to about this. Many things I kept bottled up. Only sharing with my guides. This was a very lonely time for me. I didn’t know what to do with the energy. My reiki master was good at reminding me to just play with it, explore it to see what it liked to do but there really wasn’t much to do about it. The name told me nothing, just a word for the new symbol.

The visions of classes had begun to come in, healing groups, awakening people by touch. But I didn’t see them as important, and pushed them aside. I was seeing reiki as something I could do as a calling. As a business. I sorted out my issues with the reiki table. I knew what I could do to compensate there. I was also seeing a healing place/store kind of thing where I could do healing and sell books, and provide classes.  I was working with a friend to design a meditation garden with art provided by another friend of mine. It really was a cool idea, it still has value. I am just not sure I want the headache of running a store.

And then I died.

February of ’09, I had a near death experience. It was actually funny. In the event its self and the realization that it had happened at all. I had been having ear problems. I generally get ear infections when I get sick and had been dealing with this for days. I am not inclined to run to the doctor for a bit a ear pain, no antibiotics for me. I just treat the symptoms and go about my business. But in the past I had had some interesting experiences with ear problems. I would have visions! I kid you not! I would see lay lines and spiritual things about energy and how we journey on it.

And this time it was no different. I had fallen asleep and then woke about 2 in the morning. I was aware of these people, standing around like stacking dolls. You know, doll within a doll within a doll? With their many rings/light bodies radiating out from them. I thought it was very cool. And one of my guides walked up to me and I jokingly asked him, “How do you tell us apart in large cities?” because as I looked at these stacking doll people, I knew that our rings interconnected and over lapped and mingled in such a variety of ways. Affecting each other, sometimes without the benefit of even know that we have touched. And when you start adding the number of people, like in a large city, it can get super intense. Well, my guide laughingly said that they did have challenges, but they had extensive training in doing exactly that. And besides, they were attuned to their person. They could always find them in a crowd.

And then he turned to me and said it is time to go. I am not a stutterer. But I stuttered for a good long time coming to an understanding of what he was saying. And then I blacked out. And brought myself back to the surface with the comment “I want this life!” and I knew they had shown me what I was to do and that I needed to get going. I am not sure I did anything different after that but I am still here so I must be doing something right.

I didn’t realize what had actually happened until later in the morning when a friend had called. I started telling her about this weird little experience I had had during the night and she went very quiet at the exact same moment that realization hit me. “Oh Shit! I died last night!” I think. I am honestly not sure. I saw no light or tunnel. No angels, just my guide. No family, both of my parents are gone. Just the dark with my guide and the stacking “dolls.”

I was taking masters classes for the reiki. This ran for six months, one class a month. Learning modalities to augment the reiki, tools for releasing blocks and emotional pain and scars. Some I liked, some I detested with a passion. I enjoyed the meditations we did. But mostly I enjoyed the time with my reiki master and the other woman taking this class. I looked forward to visiting with them. I was fairly forthright about what I was experiencing. Told about my NDE. I have no idea what they thought.

I had many very odd experiences with my symbol. But I could never get my head around it. I didn’t know what it did, or how to work with it. It remained a mystery until September of ’09. I ran into Shawn Avery again. Same place as last time. This time we didn’t schedule a healing for a later date. We sat and visited. He did a reading for me. Now, the thing about Shawn is that he is a very gifted spiritual intuitive. He is literally able to see guides and angels and the masters and our family members on the other side. If it is in spirit, he can see it. And talk to it and touch it. And on top of that he heals too. And he is an all round nice guy.

So I bring him up to date on the last year. And he is blown away! But then I get around to the driving question of my symbol. And he goes to work. He settles and looks to my guides and comes back almost immediately with “It is a power symbol of awakening!” And everything fell into place. I was also told to trust my imagination. Oh boy! That was a loaded issue! I had mostly seen the classes and the store/healing center idea. A book. But to have that kind of permission was very important. I had been limiting myself every step of the way. Finding excuses for why something couldn’t happen. And now I was told to allow the visions free run and to dream and hope with out limits. Oh boy!

But that didn’t change the fact that I was still stymied by this symbol. So he went back in to talk to to my guides and got a meditation for me to do. Very detailed although not terribly complicated. I am not very good at meditation…can’t sit still. Mind is too busy. Poor discipline. But it was important and so I did the meditation. I had this feel like, if I didn’t do this they would get someone else. That there were others perfectly capable and willing to do this. I still have the feeling that this is true. It always encourages me to be better about my meditations.

Well, I go home. I have so much to think about. And then there is that meditation. I decided that I would do it later in the week as I had to get up early (3 a.m.) for work. But almost from the moment that I got home I felt my guides crowding me, encouraging me to go lay down or some such thing. I wasn’t really sure how I was supposed to start this meditation. Do I do it sitting up? or laying down? I had no clue. I argued with my guides all evening. Or my specifically, AT them. They just kept prompting me to do the meditation.

It wasn’t until I was getting ready for bed that I realized they had been guiding me all night. I had done clearing rituals all evening. I had cleaned my kitchen. I know that sounds silly but that is what was happening. Clearing rituals can take any form, as long as it is done. I cleaned my kitchen to avoid dealing with the meditation. And as I was washing my hands after using the restroom, I noticed how I was washing my hands, very different from my usual method. Very slow and focused. No hurries. Thorough. I conceded. “OK, I’ll do the meditation.” And I did. For four and a half hours! That is how long this ended up taking. The actual meditation only took a half hour. But the door it opened lasted the rest of the time. I received this beam of energy, I had information downloads, I learned to release energy into the earth, how to contain it. By the end of the evening, I felt like a bloated energy monster. And I was higher than a kite! I actually was able to sleep for about 90 minutes  and got up to go to work. And then I documented the hell out of it!

I wasn’t really sure what had happened. But there is precedent for this. The originator of reiki, Mikao Usui, receive the original reiki in a temple, after meditating and fasting for 21 days. He received a beam of light into his crown chakra. And he “knew” how to use the energy to heal. So I knew I had a new reiki but that was about it, at that point.

But over the next couple of weeks the information came in. I had been seeing how to heal with it for a while. And now I started to remember how to awaken with it. I started to get visions and insights into how energy works. And I remembered designing the energy in the higher levels of creation. In late October, I received the  second symbol. And then a third. There were visions and out of body travel. And attacks. It was crazy and exciting and very confusing. I was wandering in a wilderness I had no memory of. I didn’t speak the language. I had no map.

Between the second and third symbols, I got together with Shawn. I also met another gifted spiritual intuitive, Lisa Flores (sacredsunhealing.com). I had had a very odd attack and had tried to reach Shawn but had been unsuccessful. But I had met Lisa a few days before at Shawn’s house. He had done a “reading with the guides” night. Something he does to get people in for healings and to let them know about what he can do. It can be a lot of fun. It was however kind of embarrassing for me since I was a new baby energy monster and had zero control. He had to give me a focus to keep my energy under control.

Anyway, I had met Lisa and called her instead and had a reading with her. Good choice at that time. I had a crystal bed session. And we started the healing on something I had, or rather hadn’t done for Jesus. I had issues with Him. I was somehow associated with his mystery school from his last earth life and I had backed out of an agreement. I let him down. We got the healing started on that and the crystal bed balanced my energy a bit. I was still a baby energy monster but it was better.

I finally got together with Shawn a few weeks later and the guides gave  him a symbol to give to me. I had just received the masters attunement on the second symbol and here was number three. The masters attunement came in within the next week or so. He also helped me to set up a zero point parameter. I was getting attacked a lot and it was distracting or down right scary. I learned how to work with Warring angels and how to set up the parameter. And how to change it as needed. And all the scary people went away into neutrality. It was decided over Christmas that I should stay in communication with Shawn. In a way this made me feel bad. I knew that the reason was because I wasn’t “getting” it on my own. So it felt like I kind of had a keeper. But mostly I just needed someone who could relate to the bizarre adventure I was on and Shawn was totally there, having gone through it him self.

Over the next several months, I came to grips with being the second coming of Christ (we all are!). And doing miracles. And teaching large classes of people about awakening to their higher selves. I avoided the most common boxes and discovered I was a lightworker. And that I was already an ascended master. Now to let it all go! Especially the second coming part! I acquired several more symbols. Six total. All but the last one have been attuned.

I have been releasing my ego based ideas ever since. Healing my past lives. Neutralizing the energy of all the karmic events that brought me here. I want the karma but the energy has been balanced out. Neutralized.

Strangely, the hardest part was getting out into the public with it. I still am having problems here. Not because I don’t want to but because I am not sure where! And to be honest, this reiki is incredibly complicated. I don’t know how to talk about it without insulting people. “Hi, your asleep. Try my reiki!” Just doesn’t work out that well.

But I am assured that I am on track to do what I came here to do. Currently I am in a holding pattern. And being held down. There was a hand on my shoulder to keep me here until I learned how to do this my self. So I clamped myself to the earth. I ain’t going anywhere until it is time.

And it is a waiting game. Rules change all the time. I have done classes and there will be more. Finding my venue is proving to be a challenge. Figuring out how to reach the people who need this energy. It is a full time job, with out pay. Not that I am about the money anymore.  But the service. And I am discovering, on some topics I am bloody brilliant. On others, I admit it, I am as dumb as a box of rocks. Self promotion does not come easy. Too many years, life times of being rejected and victimized have scarred me. It is released, balanced but the transition is still taking effect.

We are up to April of ’12 and I have been informed I will not have another birthday. I am not dying, I am ascending. My birthday is in September. Kind of exciting but also a bit scary. I don’t remember what it was like last time…although there was that one experience that showed me how it would be…..maybe not so scary after all. Just like walking into another room. I walk into rooms all the time….we all do…..so easy. Nothing to worry about.



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