Calling all lightworkers!

OR “Yes! I’m talking to you!”

Did you hear the call? It went out in the mid-late eighties and again in the mid nineties. And then the push after the turn of the century. It is ok if you didn’t hear them until now (the last couple of years). I heard them and went back to sleep….for all of them.

Until 2008. And I didn’t even realize that I was feeling the call. I had felt the call intensely in the nineties but figured it was the call to find my calling. From my senior year in high school, I have been seeking my calling. I would take all the test and inventories and wonder and question and try to figure out what I was really supposed to do. What would make me happy. Because I wasn’t happy. Content but not happy. Frustrated. Depressed. I like being married and having a family. But there was something else calling me.

I would go to girls night with my friends and a couple of us read Tarot cards. I started when I was 19. We would read for every one every time we all got together. And I would always ask what my calling was. And I would  always get that the future was hidden, that I was in a holding phase. Fifteen years of holding phase! Even though I couldn’t figure out my calling, the readings about being on hold were an odd kind of affirmation that yes, I do indeed have a calling! And the time was just not right. Of course that sucked….still does, in fact!! Because I am still holding.

So, I am looking and testing and mentally trying things on for size. The question of schooling came up several times. But if I was going back to school I wanted to have an idea of what to study. Our local university requires that a major be declared at registration. I know, stupid. How can we truly know till we try some stuff on first! But I enrolled anyway, thought I would look at an art degree. Not real exciting to me. I had lost my drive towards artistic expression years before. Just a tool to acheive other things. Art supported my craftiness.

Then in the summer of ’08, as I was talking with a girlfriend, it fell into place. Not so much the calling but the proper attitude to find it. See, what I had figured out was that I am happiest talking about Spirit and general spiritual topics. I had had a born again Christian phase, back before I married. And I loved it. Until the church I was attending started pulling shit and denying my spiritual validity. By their narrow definition, I wasn’t saved. I beg to differ. I walked that bloody Roman Road with angels holding my hands and guiding my words as I sought to heal my relationship with God. So I was not going to put up with some “man of God” telling me that I was going to Hell. Because of a misinterpretation (my view) of a passage in the Bible. So I left and took my tithing with me.

Since I knew I was good with God, I pursued my “religious” journey on my own. And my understanding began to grow up. I had always felt that religion was subconsciously designed to meet the needs of the various individuals. Rarely an exact fit but close enough that it was comfortable. So I looked. I had tried other churches before. Catholicism, Baptist, Unitarian Universalist. That one fit the best but were too political for me. And the politics drove us away. My husband like them too. But I never found a church that I liked.

And that call was getting louder all the time. So, in the summer of ’08, I gave my journey to God.  Said I would trust my angels and guides (whom I was periodically aware of) to lead me to what I was to do.

So, every couple of days, I declared my intent to trust and follow the prompts from my guides.

OH WOW!!! And was I rewarded for my patience and faith. First, I had a healing with a energy worker. Before I surrendered to God I wouldn’t have touched this with a ten foot pole. Thought it was bullshit. I had looked at energy modalities several times over the years. Every time I did my battery of test to “find” my calling, reiki showed up. And from what I could tell, it was lame! I was of the opinion that hands on healing that took several visits was ineffective. I felt that if I was going to put my hands on a person for the purpose of healing, they were going to be healed! Right now! Not after 8 sessions.

So I went to an energy healer. And even though we didn’t address the physical issues, we did heal the emotional. Which I knew had a direct impact on the body. I have been psychosomatic since I was a teen. Stress produced illness. I experienced this over and over again. So I knew that healing the mental emotional was critical to healing the body. And I have not changed my view.

So, healing. Energy worker. Then a class with another energy worker. And there is reiki again! “All right! I will try it!” And the question became where. I was interested in this one reiki practitioner but my guides knew I would find an excuse to not go see her. She was in another town, in a part of the state I had never been to before… They chose the one I drove past every day at work. Ten times a day at work! (I drive for a living! On the same route streets.)

One Sunday morning, the reader board for the neighborhood reiki place had this funny little sign, “walk in Reiki Wednesday.” So I decided to “walk in!” And received my first reiki healing session. At the end of it I signed up for a class, which I took. Then the next. And my reiki, Golden Braid Reiki, came in during the process for my level 2 attunement. But I didn’t know that. All I knew was I had a personal symbol that no one else had and it was loud.

During the next 6 months I learned about being a reiki master and realized I was a lightworker. But over that I learned about being a energy channel. Because that is what a reiki master is. A channel. And what I didn’t realize at the time was that when that new symbol came in during my attunement, it brought new energy. Powerful energy. Chaotic and crazy fun energy. Never the same thing twice energy. I loved it. But was also afraid of it.

As I learned about the reiki I also learned about the lightworker community. But in ’09, it was still a bit rough around the edges. The lightworkers who had been around for awhile “spoke” so far over my head that I couldn’t relate. And the ones I could relate to had messiah complexes. Tells you something about my mental emotional state. So for the most part, I ignored them. I had reiki to play with.

But it was still scary too. When I worked with it, I saw dead people. Was doing a healing on a friend and saw this little woman and described her to my friend who thought it must be a great grand mother. And then the energy was really weird. It made people dizzy. Or it had force. Was healing another friend, and shifted my hands on her back. My finger tips were barely touching and she came off the table because it felt like I had pressed down hard. Yet she also knew I hadn’t. It was very discouraging. I never really became a reiki practitioner. I had other lessons to learn, things to experience.

And I am still waiting. I am a next wave light worker. I am here to help those who don’t ascend in the first major wave to prepare for ascension later. GBR is to awaken people. But not quite yet…..soon… So very soon…Right? it is real soon right? guides? soon???????

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